Snow problem.

You know in the UK, we have a serious issue with snow.

No, nothing to do with the amount (or frequency) that we have. I’m talking about our panic response to the soft water flakes that simply obliterates everyday life… or so we believe.

Shops everywhere will “Braces” themselves, for bread and milk simply vanish pasteurize. Eggs will scramble off the shelves, and the absolute essentials of chocolate and alcohol will suddenly seem like pure gold. Utter pandemonia – and don’t you dare think about driving!

You cannot possibly comprehend the amount of traction lost due to “black ice”, and stopping distances will increase by several miles. Traffic speeds will be reduced to a maximum of around 12 to 30 miles per hour, if you can even get your vehicle through the street at all. Schools everywhere will fight the urge to bring joy to children by way of “Snow Day”, and employers will battle wrongful termination issues because there was absolutely no way they should have expected Brenda from accounts to have travelled fifteen miles…

So this brings me to two issues. Firstly, why does most of the UK treat snow as the bringer of influenza, pestilance and death? Think about Alaska, Russia, or pretty much anywhere in the world that has to deal with snow more than four times a year. How much snow do they get settled for over a week? Now compare that to the UK’s approximate two feet of snow that lasts about 8-30 hours. All a bit mad really, and that’s coming from a hairy mountain man using the alias of a fish to talk to himself over the internet…

Secondly, think of the major crisis that the UK government has every year, when they simply could not possibly have forseen that we would be getting a cold front. Our reserves of grit will be at an all time low, as we strive to import vast quantities of grit to administer to the main roads… and then think how quickly we run out of bread, milk, alcohol, etc.

One simple question really. Why does nobody panic buy bulk quantities of Salt?

I don’t mean to suddenly fill up on potato fries, however tasty they might be. I am talking the anti-snow weapon used to clear roadways – simple salt. Okay, so gritting salt is not quite the same consistency as table or rock salt, but it would work to clear the way. You could even, as recommended to me by a stranger on the internet, use “Urea Pellets” – a type of fertiliser. It seems to me that the logical thing to horde in our dire weather emergency would be something that could actually be used to help rather than simply outlast.

Of course, personally I would rather just build a snowman, slide down a hill on my backside and generally just have fun. But then that would bring pneumonia and certain death… 😉

San Snow.png

– Madfish Mike, wrapping up warm.


Author: MadFishRambles

The Mad Fish Rambles are brought to you straight from the mind of a welsh male. He is often called a vast variety of things, including ‘idiot’, ‘hairy’ or ‘weird’, though his birth name is Michael.

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